I spent considerable time discussing the first year anniversary to my wife, Heather, in a previous post. Today is the day, though. Today is the actual anniversary day of our wedding. It seems unreal and very real at the same time. It seems like the year has moved quickly and slow at the same time. And while things changed a lot, things didn't change that much. I know, that doesn't really make sense, but maybe those of you who are married will understand that paradox.
The pastor who led the ceremony at our wedding, John Wentz, said something to me before our wedding that has stuck with me. He said the funny thing about being married is that things don't change nearly as much as you think they will. I remember hearing that and finding some comfort in it, but also wondering if he really understood how set in my ways I had become.
Honestly, though, I think things really do change in marriage. Quite a bit. But I think what happens is that your perspective changes. As long as you love the other person, and you are willing to grow, you (meaning me) end up changing the more and so does your perspective on things. And so later, when you look back on several years of marriage, you have this case of happy forgetfulness for the way you were before. In fact, I have already begun to forget what it was like to be single.
Public Service Announcement on behalf of Single People
If you are a newly married person, be very careful how you listen and talk with your single friends. Once you get married, you have left the solidarity you once had with single people. You have left the homeland, crossed the picket line, whatever. You think you remember what it was like to be single, but you really don't. And never repeat that expression or anything like to a single person. It doesn't help. If you want to help a single person, just hang out with them. Don't patronize them with cliches about finding the right person. Just invite them to be a part of your life. Or don't. Either way, you must remember you have given up your single-person empathy card.
Okay, where was I? Happy forgetfulness. I heard on NPR that they are working on a drug that could help remove or block bad memories from our past. They say it could be especially helpful for those with traumatic or disabling memories (ones that normally required ECT). I hope this doesn't sound trite, but I think sometimes that having someone speak love and truth into your life about who you really are to God can go a long ways towards replacing those bad memories. My wife speaks truth and love to me in this way. Today, for example, she sent me a simple statement in a text message. It's one she has shared before, but it's still hard to accept. It's incredibly sweet, endearing and authentic. And a little Charles Schulzish.
She says, "You're a good man, Jason Logue."
Okay, after this, I will wait considerable time before blogging about my amazing wife.
